The One With More Information Than You Required.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad and Charlie are lounging in a pile of pillows and people. They are looking shirtless, surprisingly well-built, and very pleased with themselves.]

Beach.

[Scrad says.]

Space-babes.

[Charlie says. The pile of space-babes waves and makes kissy faces. There are five of them. One of them is a dude. This does not preclude him from being a babe. Scrad asks:]

What was the problem again?

[And they cut the feed.

...

...

...some time later, Charlie appears alone on screen:]

Uh. We got a problem here.

Comments

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad stirs.]

Shut up, Char-...

[He sits up and catches sight of hid be-ringed hand.]

What did you do?

[Charlie mouths 'help me'.]

[flashy_magic]

Hey, now. It wasn't just him. You both got drunk and got married to four people together. Just wait until they wake up, figure out which ones you married, and get divorced.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Well, we both got drunk...

[Charlie admits, digging himself a slightly deeper hole.]

[flashy_magic]

Right. So you'll both work together on fixing this.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Why should I have to clean up his mess?!?

[Scrad yelps.]

[flashy_magic]

...because you made it?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

He made it!

[Scrad insists.]

[flashy_magic]

Nuh-uh. You both did, either of you could have kept it from happening, and neither did. That's why you have to work together on this.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad folds their arms and slumps sulkily back into the pile of space-babes.]

This is not how I pictured my wedding going down.

[flashy_magic]

Well, you'll still have a chance to have a wedding go down the way you want it to someday. And you'll be able to remember it and everything.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Ugh.

[Scrad shudders, as Charlie tries to gnaw the rings off their finger.]

When you get accidentally drunk married, we're gonna remember this, you know.

[flashy_magic]

And when that happens, I'll do what I'm telling you to do now. Wait until they wake up, and file a divorce.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Outta curiosity, if we were to just slip away?

[Charlie asks.]

[flashy_magic]

Then there'd be the chance that legal paperwork would be filed here saying those four women were married to you, and we won't know what that means legally here since we're not from this place, and it wouldn't be fair to punish women for sleeping with you, now would it?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Technically, we could be talking about three women, and Brad.

[Charlie points out. Scrad looks like he would happily decapitate himself, if that were an option.]

[flashy_magic]

And aside from choice of nouns, that makes no difference to what I just said.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Why should we care if it's fair or not? Life isn't fair.

[Scrad argues.]

[flashy_magic]

It's not, but life's unfair because that's the way it is. You can choose to be fair. That's the difference.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Yeah, but there's nothing in it for you if you do.

[Scrad says.]

[flashy_magic]

Sure there is. You run into those babes again somehow, there's a better chance you'll get to sleep with them again. People on the Barge who know what you were up to will be more likely to put in a good word for you when you try to get laid at future ports. That sort of thing.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

You just had to bring future sex into it, didn't you?

[Charlie complains. Scrad grouses.]

Okay, okay, we'll do...whatever.

[flashy_magic]

Good!