The One With The Chatty Cathy's: Video

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad eyes their comm as the hallway passes behind them. They're doing a walk-and-talk: just like on The West Wing! That show is hilarious. Human politics.]

So. Why is everybody introducing themselves and asking if anybody's out there? Is this an invasion?

[Charlie pops onto screen and says:]

Because we, for one, welcome our new already welcomed overlords, and are eager to submit our resume. References available on request.


[Happy 4th Wall Day! 4th wall away!]

Comments

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Hey, if you can't beat 'em...

[Scrad says. Charlie does not finish the sentiment.]

[flashy_magic]

Sometimes there are safer options than beating or joining them. Like hiding and not letting them know you're there in the first place. Always a good option with invasions until you know if they'd hire you or just kill you. Or make you kill someone.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Safer? Ha!

[Charlie barks. Scrad says:]

You do realize this jalopy and everyone on it is a sitting duck, right?

[flashy_magic]

That doesn't mean anything. I one time read about a guy who went a year without realizing there was a woman living in a cabinet in his apartment. If she could pull that off, then you can pull off living in a room on the Barge without any invaders realizing you're here. Or at least for long enough to figure out the best way to handle the issue.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

You've never been invaded, have you?

[Scrad says, flatly.]

[flashy_magic]

No, can't say that I have. And once I learn the Jedi mind trick, I won't have to worry about it in the future, either.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[That gives both of them pause. Charlie asks:]

You really think you could have the power to tell an entire fleet of warships that no one on your planet is the droids they're looking for?

[flashy_magic]

I'd need more practice. And a really big satellite dish.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

So what happens when your invaders have telepathic blockers?

[Scrad points out. Charlie points out:]

Or don't have brains?

[Some beings literally don't.]

[flashy_magic]

And that is why I wait to decide a plan of action until after I watch them for a bit, which, by the bye, I discovered your failure to do so back on your Earth had you slated for a bit of unpleasantness if you hadn't ended up here and Sarleena hadn't failed.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

If you wait, it'll already be too late.

[Charlie tells him. Scrad asks:]

What's that supposed to mean?

[flashy_magic]

Not always.

Sarleena was planning on killing you after you finished planting the bomb. She was planning on taking Laura off planet, and blowing the planet up. Well, she had transportation arranged for her and Laura, but nothing for you, and you wouldn't have fit on the craft they were going to use.

She was either planning on you already being dead, or dying on the planet when it blew up.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad looks like he's doing math in his head. He says, slowly:]

She was taking The Light off-world to wipe out the Zarthans. We were never going with. We don't give a crap about their war. We were never even supposed to go get The Light with her; just give her the location and collect our money. Who told you she was gonna blow the planet, Kay?

[Charlie offers:]

Because the reason she wanted us to blow MIB HQ is so someone else could swoop in and conquer. And then maybe the Kylothians eventually, but the point is: nuking Earth would have been too nice. She wanted anybody in the agency who was left to see you all go down, get enslaved, stripped for your resources. That's the kind of bitch she was.

[Scrad says:]

The only thing that woulda nuked Earth was that Laura chick.

[flashy_magic]

Yeah, Kay. Either way, you'd still have been on the planet while it was being swooped in and conquered, and I doubt the Kylothians would be interested in keeping your TV shows on the air. And being on Earth, you'd probably have gotten enslaved yourself.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Charlie rolls his eyes and says:]

No kidding, genius, that's why I said no boom. Earth is where we keep all our stuff, you know.

[flashy_magic]

Yeah, what I'm trying to work out is why Scrad thought the bomb would be a good idea.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad looks angrily at their shoes.]

I didn't think it was a good idea; I thought it was a better idea than disobeying an order given by somebody who, as far as we knew, smoked the only people who could stop her twice. Because that kinda thing woulda gotten back to her light-speed fast, and we could have said 'hi' to a De-Atomizer between both of our eyes!

[flashy_magic]

Well, that's good at least. You could have always run off, I doubt she'd have gone to the trouble of finding out what happened to you.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Sure she would have.

[Scrad declares, morbidly.]

[flashy_magic]

How long would that have taken? You guys can have control over your own life, you know. There were options. Granted, going to the MiB for protection would have been hard after certain things happened, but there's always going on the run. Sure, she might have been able to track you, but that means side tracking from her thing with Laura to do it.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Who knows? That's the thing, when someone puts a hit out on you: you don't know!

[Scrad says. Charlie nods reluctantly.]

He does have a point.

[flashy_magic]

So you're thinking she'd put a hit out on you and just leave? How would she even know if anyone collected it?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

She probably woulda made them send her our heads in a crate or something.

[Charlie suggests. Scrad runs a hand over his face.]

Can we stop talking about this?

[flashy_magic]

Sure. At least for now. I'd kind of like you guys to think of ways to get out of that sort of thing without doing what someone like that says, though. And without dying, of course.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

...You-

[Says Scrad.]

Want us-

[Says Charlie.]

To think?

[Finishes Scrad. Warden-man: you be tripping.]