twoheadsofcabbage | The One With One Head [Video]

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The One With One Head [Video]

[Scrad is looking angry. And alone. No backpack. No Charlie. He shakes slightly as he speaks.]

I want. The rest of my body back. Right. Now.

If I don't get it, I'm gonna...

[Scrad's eyes dart to the side, and his mouth opens and closes soundlessly, before he just cuts the the feed. Charlie would know what they were gonna do, but he has no idea.]

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[OK. Her boys (or boy) upset is enough to make Arkady at least try not to be a complete bitch.]

Scrad. Hey. Hey. Look. It's just a flood. It is temporary.

...fuck, I'm no good at this right now.

Look. I can't fucking get him back for you but I can be company and I can bring you booze or whatever. Okay? That I can do.

It's bullshit! Where's the flood where you all...wake up without a leg, or half your brain...parts?

...Yeah. Yeah, I wanna be drunk.

I actually dealt with a port without my telepathy and it fucking well broke me. He's more than a limb, he's your wingman.

Fine. I'll give you my Bartender's manual and you can pop quiz me until you'r e good and soused.

Well, sort of...

[Actually, on Earth Charlie has been a giant cock-block.]

Good. Where?

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You'll get it back in a few days. In the meantime, there's nothing much we can do. I've had to cope with only having one heart before, you'll have to cope with only having half a brain.

I have a whole one!

Do you indeed? My mistake.

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...

[Sooner or later he'll run into Omar and lose his scars, but even that isn't quite the same. Hush, don't tell anyone he has empathy.]

Is there pain?

[What do you say?]

No, it's just

[So alone.]

so quiet.

There's a chance that your warden might... have the other, somehow? Have you been able to contact him?

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I woke up without parts, too.

They used to remove them on a regular basis. They still do.

[His mouth hurts a little. And he's so hungry.] It's not pleasant, no. [And he's not telling him to deal with it, because fuck it. He likes his boneblades.]

Who did? They who?

The ship. The Admiral. I don't know. One of them. [He's cranky and Klingon right now.] The bones growing out of my arms I suppose are a bit of a disturbance.

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Would it make you feel better if I just chattered inanely at you for a while?

[That sounds a bit like an insult, but it's delivered with utter sincerity.]

I'm sorry, Comrade, I think this is one of those situations that no one else here can ever fully understand.

No shit.

...

...

...it might.

So. What do you think of all the ladies on this boat? Or possibly the gentlemen? I personally like all the ladies with green skin, but only for their personalities.

I think maybe having green skin teaches a person to be more forceful than they would normally be, but I've only known a few people with green skin, so you might have a larger sample size to draw a conclusion from on this matter?

[Mainly what he remembers you talking about recently was space babes, so that's his casting off point here.]

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...

What happened to the little dude?

Admiral chucked him overboard. Because why would I notice a major and vocal part of my body and mental functions was missing, right?

That was sarcasm.

[Because Charlie wouldn't have been sure if that was sarcasm.]

Bummer. [House is totally sincere. He is also unaware he's been affected by the flood. He thinks he's always be a dippy airhead.

Fortunately he's had no urge to shave his head.]

You can get the little dude back, though--right? I mean these floods don't last forever.

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Um...

[Drake is quiet for a little bit, then a little Drake head pops up from behind him and says,]

What he means to say is, he thinks he has your head. Or at least, another him-like version of Charlie, because I'm not Charlie. I'm Drake. Drake the second?

[Drake, the main Drake, looks at the little head, annoyed.]

Do you ever shut up? Blimey. [He then turns his attention back to Scrad.] Charlie will be back. I don't know where the real Charlie is right now, and I'm willing to bet you got a piece of me, too, but it's not quite the same. My powers aren't aware and aren't...a person like Charlie is.

...You stole my head!

I did not steal your head!

[Then little Drake added,] And I'm not your head!

[Then the main Drake clarified,] I didn't consent to this! He was just stuck on me while I was sleeping, the Admiral stole your head. I didn't steal Charlie any more than you stole my powers.

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[Video] Although they'll only be kind of able to make illusions and unable to make plasma bolts

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Gonna....?

[Poke. Poke. Because clearly it's a wonderful idea to annoy the angry guy.]

Do. Something.

[He's really more frustrated than angry. And scared. So yes, of course it's the perfect time to annoy him.]

Yeah, I got that.

Something like what?

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