The One With The Hostage Situation: Video

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[For once, they are not broadcasting from inside the last rent controlled apartment in Manhattan: they are in Prefect's quarters. As is Prefect. And this does not appear to be a social call. Scrad keeps his eyes, and the gun-shaped object in the pocket of their hoodie trained on Prefect, as Charlie addresses everyone, stretching forward on his stalk to peer into the comm's camera.]

Okay. Here's the deal: we want off this boat, and we want off it now. So unless you wanna see something unpleasant happen to this guy-

[Charlie jerks his head in Prefect's direction. Scrad nods.]

-...I'd suggest somebody get with the getting.

Comments

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Yeah? Well this doesn't!

[Scrad says, waving their gun at Prefect.

Note: it doesn't because it is a Nintendo game controller that is shaped like a gun.]

[buywithme]

[Oh god just going to flinch away from that nintendo game controller a bit...]

Comrades, I don't think that escalating this situation is necessary or helpful!

[That goes for all three of you!]

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin just sees gun shape in a pocket and assumes alien blaster.]

Shoot Prefect, and I'll shoot you. [And Prefect will be dead. Or would be if it were a real gun. But that's what death toll is for.]

Or you can try to shoot me instead and hope that you get me before I get you. Good luck with that. [He's fairly confident that he'd win a battle of reflexes.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Well get a load of it out of pocket, because they have started to gesticulate with it.]

Shoot us and we'll shoot him!

[Charlie counters, even though that...doesn't seem like it would work so well, logistically. They aren't the brains of any operation. Even they know that.]

Spam soonish?

[timesbureaucrat]

[One eyebrow goes up.]

You've clearly never done this before, have you.

[The unprofessionalness of their attempt at villainy cools his temper a little. Instead of kicking in the door and shooting on sight as he'd do with a clear and genuine threat, he'll give them a chance to talk and surrender.]

Launch it!

[twoheadsofcabbage]

We have too.

[Scrad insists. That one time. Ask Kay about it.]

Spam is launched!

[timesbureaucrat]

[That they practiced this before and are still this bad at it is sad.

Narvin reaches Prefect's cabin, kicks open the door with a bang and does a visual sweep of the room, staser drawn and ready just in case Scrad or Charlie get it into their heads to try to fire at him. It's probably overkill for the likes of Charlie and Scrad, who seem highly unlikely to instigate a shootout, but Narvin's been particularly pissy since Kay left and kicking in a door is terribly satisfying.]

Drop your weapon. And consider yourself lucky Agent K isn't here or you'd be facing down a blaster instead. [Albeit a blaster wielded by a much calmer head than Narvin's.]

Spam

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Well, they did have help last time: one of the Jarra's. Who had actual weapons. And the Worms were unarmed.

They both yelp and duck behind Prefect. Charlie peers over their hostage's shoulder.]

Lucky? Lucky?

[Scrad spits, incredulously.]

If he hadn't split, we wouldn't even have had to do this!

[Charlie spills, before Scrad can stop him.]

Spam

[timesbureaucrat]

[The logic does not compute in Narvin's mind.]

What does Kay leaving have to do with you kidnapping Comrade Prefect?

Spam

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Because how the hell are we supposed to get out of here if he's not here?

[Scrad says.]

Spam

[timesbureaucrat]

Agent Kay would hardly stage a prison breakout on your behalf. [Said snarkily. Their logic still does not compute.]

Besides which, he'll be back soon. [At least Narvin hopes so. And hopefully with all his memories.]

Re: Spam

[twoheadsofcabbage]

That's not what I meant.

[Scrad says, jaw clenched in frustration. Behind him, Charlie snorts:]

Yeah, right. He's outta here, and nothing we do is ever gonna be enough.

Spam

[timesbureaucrat]

He can't be gone for long. [Although Narvin's inherent pessimism means that there's a thread of doubt that keeps sneaking into his mind. He'd reassuring himself now as much as Scrad and Charlie.] I'm his spouse for heavens' sake. He's not going to leave me waiting here.

[Unless somehow their plan didn't work and Kay died for good. Or his memories vanished. Or he was snatched up by vengeful alien criminals and put into a stasis prison. Or there'd been a coup in the MiB and the new director ordered Kay neuralyzed to remove him as a threat. Narvin's gloomy brain could think of all sorts of unpleasant worst-case scenarios.]

Spam

[buywithme]

[Prefect is busily permitting himself to be used as a human shield, and following the ongoing Kay debate, when suddenly...]

His spouse? When--

[Maybe not the important part here. Prefect twists his head a little bit to look back at them.]

Why is Kay the only one who could help you get out of here?

Spam

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Because! He...

[Scrad sags. The guntroller hangs from their hand limply at their side.]

He was the only one who even knew why we were here.

[Charlie supplies. He is, in fact, sort of the reason why they're here. At least in their minds. And with him gone, there's no fixing that.]

Spam- tagging again because I suspect I'll be in bed soon <3

[buywithme]

[Prefect summons up some courage, and reaches behind his back to pat Scrad on the shoulder soothingly.]

Comrades, we can figure that out without Kay here. We'll ask the Admiral for a copy of your file, and you can go over it with someone and find the reasons why you're here.

[He pauses for a moment, then adds:]

Comrade, even if some people leave, that doesn't mean that no one else is going to help you.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Yeah, well what if we can't? What then?

[Scrad asks, accusingly. Although it's not clear who he's accusing and of what. Probably Kay. Of not being there. Guilty as charged.]

[timesbureaucrat]

[And now the hostage was comforting the kidnapper. This was not how these things were supposed to go and it was throwing Narvin off. No one was following the proper script and now he wasn't sure what to do. He half-lowered his staser in confusion.]

I know of the circumstances that brought you here. I know about the Light of Zartha. Kay told me.

In any case, kidnapping Prefect was a reckless, impractical action, because Kay will be back. He has to come back.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They turn their attention entirely on Narvin. Scrad says:]

But you weren't there.

[So any apologies would be worthless. Not that they were planning on making any. Charlie insists:]

It's not the same-

[Scrad picks up from him mid-sentence.]

-as somebody that's from where you're from. That's a thing that means something.

[And they've been around for a long time in a place without anybody from where they're from. And things that mean something are few and far between in Scrad and Charlie's world. Charlie adds:]

And Kay even talked to us like we were a person sometimes. Who else would do that?

[No offense, Prefect.]

[timesbureaucrat]

So your brilliant idea was to kidnap Prefect and wave a fake gun around until the Admiral decided you were too much trouble to handle and gave you the boot? Have you even seen the other inmates here? Some of them would call kidnapping an afternoon's entertainment. If it were that easy to leave, the ship would be half deserted by now.

[Narvin has been staring at the gun, and noticing that there's no cartridge for ballistics, no energy coil for a blaster, no mechanism at all for that gun to actually fire anything lethal.

He sighs and holsters his staser. He's seen Academy students more threatening than Scrad and Charlie.]

Kay is good with aliens. Very diplomatic when the situation calls for it.

[Now that Narvin is sure that no one is actually going to get shot, the adrenaline has faded and a touch of melancholy crosses his face as his fears for Kay's return rise up again in his mind.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

This is a space gun!

[Charlie insists, distractedly. Something is going on on the network. They have this brief conversation, then turn to Narvin and...burst into tears.]

It's a video game controller.

[Scrad admits, through tears.]

This was a terrible idea.

[Charlie wails.]

[most_feared]

[It was a bad idea. And Kay shows up not more than twenty seconds later with an actual space gun. He gets to greet Narvin with a door swung open and a displeased look on his face.

But then there's a video game controller.

And there's Charlie. And Scrad. They're both crying.

And there's Narvin, And dammit, he's happy to see Narvin, but all he can get out at this moment is some grudging line-face. So he turns his attention back to the knuckleheads.] You two need to knock it off with this hostage business. You were doing good before I left. You did something right. You put your skills to good use. Why did I have to come back to you fuckin' up?

I just made the most appropriate icon

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Because you left.

[Cries Scrad.]

And we didn't know what to do.

[Cries Charlie.]

And this was the only thing we could think of.

[Cries Scrad.]

So we did it even though we knew it was shitty.

[Cries Charlie. And then Scrad misses his turn, because he staring up at Kay, so Charlie adds, in a sniffle:]

Your new haircut is really nice. Is that Sassoon?

[After which, Scrad manages to ask:]

We...did something...right?

[Like even he can't believe it.]

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin raises an eyebrow at Charlie's insistence that the gun is real. But then Kay is back, and he has a brief moment where he's tempted to just stun Scrad and Charlie anyway so he can end this inept hostage situation and greet Kay properly. But "annoyance" probably wouldn't be a justified reason to shoot a person.

So instead he reports in, keeping it professional on the public network, and when Kay enters the room shortly after he moves to his side. He rests his hand on Kay's arm for a just a nanospan in greeting, since he can't jump on him in front of witnesses.]

That is the best icon. Also I'ma reply here and just roll wit dis.

[most_feared]

[He is... doing his best to ignore the soppy looks. All of them. It's hard, but he's trying. He does rest his hand on Narvin's shoulder for a moment, which is about all he's willing to do in public. And he keeps going as if Scrad and Charlie didn't just mention his hair.]

You helped out with the whole people being murdered and forced into slavery thing? Remember that? That's something I gotta do every two goddamn days. [God, what was that, three or four years ago? No, last week. He's trying to get his time in order here. Fuck this fucking time thing.] I said I was going to come back.

Get a change of clothes and fresh underwear, I'm taking you down to Zero. No. Hostage. Situations. [He plants a finger in the middle of their chest, fixing them with an intense look.]