twoheadsofcabbage | The One With The Two Heads: Video

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The One With The Two Heads: Video

[There's a man on screen. A scruffy-looking man who's recently been in a fight. His lip is split and bleeding, and there's a chunk of hair missing from one side of his head. He stares into the camera with unfocused eyes. His jaw works silently for a moment. Eventually he slurs:]

Did anybody...catch the plate on that Arquillian cru-...

[His eyes roll back in his head and he drops like a ton of bricks. The communicator lands with a clatter, camera still focused on the man's face. And then another voice pipes up. It is, in fact, the same voice.]

Oh, you did not just pass out. Scrad? Scra-ad!

[No one named Scrad responds. The man on the floor remains still. His eyes are closed. His mouth has not moved. It continues not to move as his disembodied voice quips:]

Annnnnnnnnd the champ! Is! Down!

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Arkady. I'm a FreakAngel. We're from Earth but we're a bit different from humans. I deliver things--hurt people to the Infirmary, drunk people home from the pub, supplies everywhere...like that. [She offers the ice pack.]

[Scrad grabs it and presses it gratefully against his head, as Charlie asks:]

Are you in for somethin'?

[Possibly assault with an unexpected chicken?]

Me? Oh no, I work here. Run the pub. Look after people. The chamomile helps with hangovers too.

[Charlie opens his mouth to point out that: prison: you guys are doing it wrong, but Scrad slaps a hand over his other face's face before he has the chance to. If they wanna run their prison like a hotel, that's their business. Fake smile!]

That sounds. Great. We'll...get one ASAP.

[She offers the mug, which has two straws sticking out of it.] Here you are. This should settle your stomach.

I don't blame you being cautious. But please let me check your pupils before I go, and make sure you can walk a straight line.

[Scrad takes the mug. Charlie eyes it dubiously. They still need to procure said hangover first.]

Walk a straight line.

[Clearly Charlie thinks this may be asking too much of Scrad.]

Can't have you drinking anything stronger if one of your heads is injured and your belly's unsettled. I love drinking with people but I don't want to do more harm than good!

[Charlie slithers past Scrad's shoulder.]

Look lady: we're kinda space terrorists? We can drink through anything.

[Scrad nods distractedly, because his head is still pounding.]

Space terrorists. Oooo. That sounds rather scary. But I'm a bit worried about your partner here. [She addresses Scrad, ducking her head to peer into his eyes.] Right, your eyes are even at least. Are you sure?

[Scrad gingerly touches the area around his eyes. Neither of them seems to have wandered at all. He asks:]

Are we sure about what?

[She's lost both of them somewhere.]

Applying alcohol to the current problem!

Oh, yeah. We're always sure about that.

[Charlie adds.]

Two please!

[They don't like to share, even if it does end up in the same place.]

Right then! Do you have preferences? I'll pop down to the pub and get you each something.

[Four eyes eye her. Scrad leans forward.]

What would we have to do for you?

[She grows serious.] I'm into relationship building. Back and forth. A favor here, a favor there, gradual earning of trust, maybe some business...my agenda is mutual survival. You never know when someone might have a skill or a resource available to help with that. And things can get very difficult around here.

[The four eyes eyeing her narrow. A favor here, a favor there: that makes sense. Mutual survival, business: those they can definitely do. But trust? It's not a foreign concept exactly, but they're not sure what it's got to do with anything. They may be a shining exception to the theory that two heads are better than one, but even they have never been stupid enough to put their trust in anyone. Still, their expressions resolve into something approaching innocence. Or naivety. Or open stupidity.]

Sure, sure. We can hang with that.

[Charlie adds:]

No problem-o.

All right. What are you drinking, then?

[In unison:]

Beer.

Oh that's an easy one! I bet you've never had dwarven ale either!

[She disappears, and is gone for perhaps a minute while she pulls a couple of pints. What she comes back with is nut-brown, with foam you could float a fork on.]

[They've had alcohol on a lot of different planets, and while Earth's beer may not be 'the best', there's something comforting about its lack of pretension. Also it can be had for extremely cheap.

Scrad lets the ice pack fall to the floor. From the state of their cabin's floor, this is a somewhat common occurrence. Charlie licks his lips.]

Beauty.

[Grabby hands at!]

Here you are, boys. [One for each fist! Yay.] We had dwarves aboard, and stocked it for them. But then I tasted it and now we have it all the time.

[They double fist a lot of things. Not that it's necessary, since they share a stomach, and one of them could easily get both of them drunk. But where's the fun in that? Charlie gets busy with the beer, while Scrad asks:]

What else does this place got?

[She takes out her communicator and brings up Chromie's maps and info, pointing things out as she names them.] Spa, greenhouses, gymnasium, library, pool room...food is here...the Infirmary's over here. Art and music room here...some of the areas you need a Warden handy to unlock it for you.

[Charlie peers over one of her shoulders. Scrad peers over the other. He asks:]

Okay, seriously? What's the catch?

Two catches. One, things here can be chaotic and dangerous. Two, you're here to learn. Not be punished, not be imprisoned, just stay until you've sorted yourself out.

The One With The Two Heads: Video

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