The One Without The Translator

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[There's a two headed man recording himself in the third floor common room. The hair on both of his heads is a little longer than it normally is, and they are both clean-shaven. His smaller head looks less like it has been repeatedly punched in the face, but they still aren't completely identical.

They are wearing a toga.

It has been expertly folded and tucked around them, like fabric origami. They're also heavier, although it's hard to tell in the toga. The long neck stalk the smaller head is attached by is entirely uncovered, and the result is...a little phallic.

They both look confused. They turn to each other. The larger head turns back to the camera and says:]

&##*^))i>%*~?

[Which roughly means something like 'Greetings. What in the fuck?', but you can also use your imagination.]

Comments

[rass_bestie]

Hello, luvvie. An' how are you?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They stare at her politely but blankly. The larger head says:]

*^#d.

[Which means something like 'We're sorry, but we don't speak your language and cannot understand you'.]

[rass_bestie]

Translator not workin', then? Is it a problem with the dynamic processors or the audio feed? Should I just keep on talkin' then, see if you can't fix the problem or you want me to come to you?

[She waves a tool before pointing at them with it, hoping to get her message across.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They're startled by the pointing, but it seems to friendly to be a threat. Then again, their brief time off their own planet did teach them that there are any number of beings who are willing to blow your head off cheerfully. Their own people tend to be a bit to busy making prolonged statements about their own perceived importance to make war. They have a brief conversation with each other, and then the larger head repeats:]

You?

[They are vaguely familiar with this concept. To most of their people, there is only 'me'.]

Video

[strangehistorian]

[Here: A nearly-static shot of an eye the size of a grapefruit blinking into the camera and trying to figure out why there's people inside.]

Video

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[That's unnerving, and they say as much. Well, the larger head says:]

xxxx$!

Re: Video

[strangehistorian]

Hello.

Re: Video

[twoheadsofcabbage]

He...llo?

[Scrad's smaller head parrots.]

[huge_egomd]

[House is just gonna stare...'cause dude, you got two heads.]

Damn. I knew that LSD was gonna come back to haunt me.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[But the toga isn't even worth noticing? The smaller head cocks to one side.]

Elle ess dee?

[huge_egomd]

[Dude, his band plays gigs in college towns. Togas are nothing new.]

L.S.D. Acid. Don't tell me you've never tripped.

...oh hey--can one head get stoned and the other doesn't? [This is of great interest to him since he's only got one head and it's almost always stoned.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Yeah, but this is a space toga.

But this conversation is totally beyond them, and Scrad simply repeats:]

Me.

[He rolls the word around in his mouth a little bit.]

Video

[reactivates]

[Toga. Gibberish. Uh. What.]

...Have you two been drinking?

[Claudia is unaffected by the flood. She's also currently occupying the observation room down in level zero.]

Video

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Hey, that gibberish is their native language. And okay, they may still speak it when drunk. And while they have no idea what she just asked, it did work with the other female, so they point to themselves and the larger head says:]

Scrad.

Video

[reactivates]

Yeah. I know. We've met. [She points to herself.] Claudia, remember? Warehouse agent? Weird and freaky by Earth standards?

[Wait, he didn't introduce Charlie, though. ...Odd, if he's amnesia'd.

She points back at the screen (at the smaller head, though that may not be as apparent from the other end).] And Charlie.

Video

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They both look behind them, just in case, and then back at her quizzically.

No one here is actually named Charlie.]

Video;

[hungryanhorny]

[Faith might be affected - but not like this. She at least knows what's what, and dang this is... what?] Guess you weren't kidding about the whole not a demon thing, huh?

Video;

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They've spent a bit of time scrolling through the network by now (current postings only). And something about watching the goings on on the other side of a screen had inexplicably stirred something in the depths of what they believe humans call 'the stomach', but more importantly they now have enough of a command of the English language for Scrad's larger head to tell her:]

No, ...I...not children.

Re: Video;

[hungryanhorny]

[...Yeah. They needed to keep working on that, far as Faith was concerned. But hey - nice to have confirmation on the whole alien thing, yeah?]

Kinda figured; what with the whole tall with two heads gig.

[most_feared]

[He still knows this language. He's been running in refugee circles for a long time.]

«Sounds like you're a little lost too there, [Appropriate Nickname relating to plant sprouts in Scrad's language].»

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[That's certainly a relief, although they wilt a little at the nickname and implication that they're so hideously skinny even single-headed species feel the need to bring it up.]

**Too?**

[Scrad's larger head asks.]

[most_feared]

«I've known a few guys from your planet.» [Bigger, heavyset guys, though.

«I don't really get what we're doing here. ["We" is inclusive, a little different from the symbiont version of it.] But you're the first guy I've seen from [metaphor for being from the same area], so to speak.»

[Considering they're a few light years away.] «I used to be part of Earth's refugee and immigration program.»

[an_abomination]

Want to try that again in a language the rest of us can understand?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Arquillian?

[Says Scrad. In Arquillian, of course, which sounds like high pitched, vaguely metallic Italian.]

[an_abomination]

How about Kryptonian or English?