The One From Russia With Love [Video]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Interior: the boys' cabin. As green and cluttered as usual. The boys are dressed like a hipster's closet vomited on them, and appear to either be working on a beard, or are too lazy to shave. The theme to 'Friends' plays. It is not in English. Charlie turns to the screen and says (in Russian):]

English sucks, by the way.

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[twoheadsofcabbage]

[No, they've always assumed he knew everything. And might possibly reproduce asexually. And have a machine gun arm. The usual. Scrad sulks:]

All your languages do.

[Because they're in that kind of mood.]

[most_feared]

[Any and all of these might be possible.]

You're in a mood.

[Yeah, he'll call him on it.]

Why are you speaking one if you hate them?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They would like to see this machine gun arm. No, wait: on second thought it would probably be pointed at them. Charlie bobs in the direction of one of their TV sets.]

Because it's on.

[The Admiral gave them (via Drake) the complete 'Friends' in Russian and they have been watching for days. Even though they own seasons 1-6 in English. This says so very much about them.]

[most_feared]

You've been infected, haven't you?

[Kay sympathy there.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Say what now?

[That was enough to make Charlie switch back to English.]

[most_feared]

Nothin'.

[Kay is a troll in his own special way.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

No no no! We heard you: you said infected.

[Scrad says. Charlie practically begs:]

'splain.

[most_feared]

Do you know why we're not allowed to use the thought based universal translator?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Is it expensive?

[Charlie suggests.]

[most_feared]

Human thought is considered infectious by many advanced species.

I guess I never noticed it until the flood, but you're getting to think like a couple of us.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[...Oh your vengeful Earth God, it's true. Scrad sputters:]

Th-!

[Charlie spits:]

Nnnnn!

[Scrad blurts:]

Gnah...

[Charlie concludes:]

Fffff?

[most_feared]

Well, they try to warn you about television. At least you'll be set if we have a port in Russia.

[Tssk tssk Charlie and Scrad, you're more human than he is.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[That's wonderful. And horrible. It's wonderhorrible. It's not like they've ever wanted to be a human, but they're aren't big on their own people either. Also, they'll never be human. Not really. So what's the point?]

We-

[Scrad insists.]

am

[Charlie misfires.]

...not.

[Scrad says.]

[most_feared]

Oh... I see your problem with English there.

[Nope. Too late. Very human. You're watching Friends, and Kay can't watch Friends other than thinking Courtney Cox is kind of nice looking.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[What? No, Monica is clearly the fourth most attractive of the Friends.]

Sh-shut up.

[Yup. Scrad just told Kay to shut up. Clearly having issues.]

[most_feared]

[He actually gets told to shut up a lot, contrary to what he'd usually bother to note is a similarity between him and Jay. He's secretly really, really amused.]

Oh, you are in a mood, aren'tcha.

If you like Earth, you like Earth. That's fine. I like it myself. We have better cheese products than most of the universe.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Yeah, well. Maybe we do.

[Scrad admits, reluctantly.]