The One From Russia With Love [Video]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Interior: the boys' cabin. As green and cluttered as usual. The boys are dressed like a hipster's closet vomited on them, and appear to either be working on a beard, or are too lazy to shave. The theme to 'Friends' plays. It is not in English. Charlie turns to the screen and says (in Russian):]

English sucks, by the way.

Comments

[batmanschmatman]

[And Dick replies, also in Russian:] It's not the worst language. But I can see why people say it's a hard one to learn.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad says, still in Russian:]

No, it's definitely the worst.

[batmanschmatman]

What other ones do you know?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They switch back to English and trade off listing:]

"Altonian."

"Arquillian."

"Centaurian."

"Kylothian."

"Whatever."

[Scrad, suspiciously, asks:]

Why?

[batmanschmatman]

[Dick shrugs and switches back to English.]

I like learning new languages.

[most_feared]

Why does English suck?

[Isn't it irritating how Kay always knows what you're saying?]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[No, they've always assumed he knew everything. And might possibly reproduce asexually. And have a machine gun arm. The usual. Scrad sulks:]

All your languages do.

[Because they're in that kind of mood.]

[most_feared]

[Any and all of these might be possible.]

You're in a mood.

[Yeah, he'll call him on it.]

Why are you speaking one if you hate them?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They would like to see this machine gun arm. No, wait: on second thought it would probably be pointed at them. Charlie bobs in the direction of one of their TV sets.]

Because it's on.

[The Admiral gave them (via Drake) the complete 'Friends' in Russian and they have been watching for days. Even though they own seasons 1-6 in English. This says so very much about them.]

[flashy_magic]

What? Is that your native language or something?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Two time the look. Charlie asks:]

Are you even serious?

[Drake, you were supposed to be cool.]

[flashy_magic]

What? I only speak English.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

That was Russian.

[Scrad says. Charlie adds:]

From your planet.

[persuadeyou]

It can be a bitch.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Finally!

[Scrad says. Charlie adds:]

Thank you.

[Scrad continues:]

It's like they did it on purpose.

[persuadeyou]

[Man this watching two heads thing is odd and needs to be gotten used to. But she shrugs, quirking a smile.]

Honestly? They probably did.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[It's not that weird: all men have a second, smaller, less socially adjusted head that pops up and embarrasses them on a regular basis, don't they? #penisjokes]

Seems like that might be giving them too much credit.

[Charlie says.]

[strangehistorian]

How fast are you able to learn a language? You were very good during the flood.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad shrugs. Charlie says:]

Iunno?

[strangehistorian]

[Giggle.]

It's a useful talent!

[twoheadsofcabbage]

It's just a thing.

[Scrad says. Not a talent. They don't have any of those. They know because people have told them.]

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin replies, also in Russian.]

Its tenses are completely insufficient, but that's true of most languages.

[Switches to Private, but with Kay also on the filter. 'Cause no sneaking around going on here, no siree. Just trying to tie up the loose ends.]

You told Agent Kay. Well, now you know I was lying.

Although, for the record, you never needed my protection. He's not going to kill you. Not unless you threatened Earth or the lives of other sentients, then he'd almost certainly kill you. [Narvin's version of reassurance, there.] But so long as you're not a threat, you're perfectly safe.

Private

[twoheadsofcabbage]

We told who what?

[Scrad asks. Charlie insists:]

We never said nothin'.

Private

[timesbureaucrat]

Told Agent Kay. About our conversation. Our...bargain. In which I [awkward throat clearing] lied a bit.

[Well, this is unexpected. He thought Scrad and Charlie would have to be talked out of holding a grudge about the lie. Not that they'd deny everything as if they were the ones who'd schemed and lied.]

Private

[twoheadsofcabbage]

No.

[Scrad says. They told Drake. Drake told Kay. But they do generally assume that they are the party who has done something wrong and has to wriggle their way out of it in all occasions.]