twoheadsofcabbage | The One From Russia With Love [Video]

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The One From Russia With Love [Video]

[Interior: the boys' cabin. As green and cluttered as usual. The boys are dressed like a hipster's closet vomited on them, and appear to either be working on a beard, or are too lazy to shave. The theme to 'Friends' plays. It is not in English. Charlie turns to the screen and says (in Russian):]

English sucks, by the way.

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That sounds like it would cut into our TV watching time.

[Scrad says.]

And following Serleena's orders didn't? Besides, you have to do something to pay the cable bill, and this would probably take less time than a heist. Especially if you found an online job doing it, so you could work while watching TV.

Not for the first four years.

[Charlie points out. Scrad says:]

You think we could work...while watching TV?

I can't guarantee it, but that is what work from home is for, right? I mean, it's a distinct possibility.

But we'd still have to do...stuff.

[Scrad says, not as dismissively as before.]

How were you paying the cable bill before if you didn't do stuff?

We played a lot of online poker.

[Scrad informs him.]

You can make money doing that?

Sure.

[Charlie says. At least: in 2002 you could. Scrad explains:]

We did some other stuff too.

[Less legal stuff.]

Like what?

You know.

[Charlie says.]

Heists and stuff? And the stuff with Sarleena, but I know you weren't watching TV while doing that. Translating results in fewer injuries.

Nah, info.

[Charlie says.]

We were on your planet for four years before she showed up.

[Scrad explains.]

And were you watching TV while doing that?

Sometimes.

[Scrad admits. Worst employees. Ever.]

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[God. He hates you. Why is he helping? Fuck it. He has to help. He'll blame his damn baby cockatoo child here for pulling his heartstrings.]

How do you think other countries get programs that are translated to their languages?

People translate them.

[Why you gotta hate, Kay? They don't hate you. They just fear you. And not even as much as they used to.]

I thought they just had computers do it.

[Charlie says.]

If you'd seen Babelfish you'd know why that didn't work.

[Scrad sinks back into his sulk.]

That flood was stupid. It was a stupid flood.

Because you realized you liked something you never knew you liked?

No. We knew we liked Earth.

[Scrad mutters. Charlie adds:]

We have one of those t-shirts.

[They <3 NY.]

[It's because he told you about the phallicness of your neck, isn't it?]

I doubt you're alone in thinking that.

[He doesn't seem to mind what happened to him, though. It actually did him some good.]

[Not even that (although Charlie is wrapped completely and securely in one of his many mysterious extra sleeves, even though Scrad currently has both of his sleeves as well).]

Nobody needed to see that.

[Scrad grumbles. Charlie agrees:]

Not even us.

You didn't seem all that happy there. [Understatement is go.]

[Scrad snorts. Charlie says:]

You think? The place sucks Remoolian balls.

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