The One From Russia With Love [Video]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Interior: the boys' cabin. As green and cluttered as usual. The boys are dressed like a hipster's closet vomited on them, and appear to either be working on a beard, or are too lazy to shave. The theme to 'Friends' plays. It is not in English. Charlie turns to the screen and says (in Russian):]

English sucks, by the way.

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[batmanschmatman]

[And Dick replies, also in Russian:] It's not the worst language. But I can see why people say it's a hard one to learn.

[most_feared]

Why does English suck?

[Isn't it irritating how Kay always knows what you're saying?]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad says, still in Russian:]

No, it's definitely the worst.

[batmanschmatman]

What other ones do you know?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[No, they've always assumed he knew everything. And might possibly reproduce asexually. And have a machine gun arm. The usual. Scrad sulks:]

All your languages do.

[Because they're in that kind of mood.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They switch back to English and trade off listing:]

"Altonian."

"Arquillian."

"Centaurian."

"Kylothian."

"Whatever."

[Scrad, suspiciously, asks:]

Why?

[most_feared]

[Any and all of these might be possible.]

You're in a mood.

[Yeah, he'll call him on it.]

Why are you speaking one if you hate them?

[batmanschmatman]

[Dick shrugs and switches back to English.]

I like learning new languages.

[flashy_magic]

What? Is that your native language or something?

[persuadeyou]

It can be a bitch.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They would like to see this machine gun arm. No, wait: on second thought it would probably be pointed at them. Charlie bobs in the direction of one of their TV sets.]

Because it's on.

[The Admiral gave them (via Drake) the complete 'Friends' in Russian and they have been watching for days. Even though they own seasons 1-6 in English. This says so very much about them.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad repeats, less suspiciously:]

Why?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Two time the look. Charlie asks:]

Are you even serious?

[Drake, you were supposed to be cool.]

[batmanschmatman]

[He shrugs again.] It's something to do. And you never know when it could come in handy.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Finally!

[Scrad says. Charlie adds:]

Thank you.

[Scrad continues:]

It's like they did it on purpose.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

We prefer not doing.

[Scrad says. Charlie clarifies:]

Anything. And if we have to do something: definitely not learning.

[flashy_magic]

What? I only speak English.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

That was Russian.

[Scrad says. Charlie adds:]

From your planet.

[flashy_magic]

What? I've never been to Russia. Or...any non-English speaking place prior to coming here.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad shrugs:]

Neither have we.

[batmanschmatman]

That's a depressing attitude to have.

[flashy_magic]

Yeah, well, your TV watching is more...wait. You're pretty good at picking up languages. You know what the average income of a translator is?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

What's your point?

[Charlie asks.]

[flashy_magic]

Uh...it's something that you guys would get paid a lot to do, and pretty much any employer you walk into who hears who easily you switch languages will probably hire you? And it's probably even less effort than a heist, because you just have to repeat what people say in other languages.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Whaddyou mean?

[Charlie asks. Because they genuinely don't see it.]