The One With The Empty Hand: Video

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They stand in their room with their arms crossed. They're knee deep in Human detritus, as usual and yet: they don't look happy. Charlie complains first:]

What the suck? Who decided you can't take it with you?

[Scrad grumbles:]

We worked hard for that loot.

[Charlie adds:]

Yeah, we looted hard for it.

Comments

[most_feared]

That's probably why you didn't get to keep it. [Stay classy, guys.]

[timesbureaucrat]

Yes, lifting small objects and carrying them is ever so burdensome. [All the sardonic tone here.]

[flashy_magic]

Yeah, for future reference, it works better if you get stuff through your warden. It sticks around better that way.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

What kinda lesson is that?

[Scrad whines. Charlie ads:]

All the natives were doing it!

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Who said anything about small?

[Charlie says with a smirk.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Charlie says:]

How's that supposed to be fun, just being handed stuff without...having to...do...

[Realization. Scrad says:]

We'll make a list.

[They're getting ponies.]

[most_feared]

And humans are dumb when they're afflicted with mass hysteria. Don't act like a dumb human.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Hey, those guys didn't care that we have two heads.

[Scrad argues. Dumb humans are sort of their peeps, Kay. Smart humans are more likely to throw a hissy in response to Charlie, in their experience.]

[most_feared]

They didn't care about anything anymore, except what they could get their hands on.

[They're probably not smart humans then, in his opinion. He's picky on that subject.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

What else is there?

[Charlie asks, like it's a rhetorical question. It's not. They don't know.]

[most_feared]

I wouldn't know. I don't technically own anything. The moment I die or become a nuetral everything in my possession is going to be confiscated.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They both look horrified. Scrad whispers:]

But how...how do you live like that?

[Charlie wants to know:]

What's even the point?

[most_feared]

[He shrugs.] I'm kinda happy not feeling the need to scramble to get everything I can just in case someone else might get it first.

[Unless it's a gun. But usually then someone might use it to shoot at him.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

But how can you be happy like that? You're so alone.

[Scrad asks.]

[most_feared]

[Sometimes he does really miss society, but he's figured out by now that he can't really live normally. He can go through some of the motions, though.]

I have a lot of friends. Most of them just happen to be agents or not human.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Neither can they, really.]

Who says?

[Charlie asks. Scrad clarifies:]

That they're your friends and not just people you know.

[most_feared]

You shouldn't have to say. You just kind of... do it, I guess. [Oh god, how the hell is he supposed to describe the meaning of friendship. He ain't no My Little Pony.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[So true, Kay. Your hair does not look fun to brush. Scrad asks:]

Do what?

[most_feared]

[Even when he was young and his hair looked like a helmet. No bows and ribbons for Kay.]

You just um... [Kay's "um"ing, obviously this is an adventure for him.] They're somebody you can be pretty comfortable with most of the time. Can bet pretty certainly that they wouldn't want to hurt you and any time they do they don't mean to. They might invite you over to their place, or finish off your jokes for you. Tell you personal stories just because they can.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[He looks like glitter would just annoy him. He also looks like friends would just annoy him.]

So people you trust.

[Scrad says. After a pause, Charlie declares:]

...yeah, that's not happening.

[flashy_magic]

Who says I won't make you do anything?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They point a finger at him accusingly.]

You're a tease.

[Charlie says.]

[flashy_magic]

Write the list anyway, and we can discuss it.

Text

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[The following list arrives shortly.]

-1 large high quality bean bag chair.
-2 83 inch HD flat-screen TV sets.
-Full set Disney's 'The Country Bears' McDonald's Happy Meal Toys, mint.
-The Clapper.
-2 life-time supplies "zesty lime" flavored Pringles.
-1 banana.
-1 2 person transport vessel, capable of light speed travel with full tank of fuel.
-1 DVD copy M.K. & Ashley Olsen's 'Two of a Kind'.
-'Friends: The Complete Series Collection'.
-1 medium sized male lion skin rug. Must be full roar.
-A hot dog machine?
-2 1 miniature pony, color: brown.

[timesbureaucrat]

Small time crook with small time ambitions? I guessed that anything you might have taken was petty and didn't require much effort to transport. Things you could carry in your arms or the back of a vehicle.

[Not the sort of supervillain who would create an intricate plot to run off with 20 nuclear warheads or a top secret experimental military submarine or anything like that.]