The One With The Empty Hand: Video

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They stand in their room with their arms crossed. They're knee deep in Human detritus, as usual and yet: they don't look happy. Charlie complains first:]

What the suck? Who decided you can't take it with you?

[Scrad grumbles:]

We worked hard for that loot.

[Charlie adds:]

Yeah, we looted hard for it.

Comments

[most_feared]

That's probably why you didn't get to keep it. [Stay classy, guys.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

What kinda lesson is that?

[Scrad whines. Charlie ads:]

All the natives were doing it!

[most_feared]

And humans are dumb when they're afflicted with mass hysteria. Don't act like a dumb human.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Hey, those guys didn't care that we have two heads.

[Scrad argues. Dumb humans are sort of their peeps, Kay. Smart humans are more likely to throw a hissy in response to Charlie, in their experience.]

[most_feared]

They didn't care about anything anymore, except what they could get their hands on.

[They're probably not smart humans then, in his opinion. He's picky on that subject.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

What else is there?

[Charlie asks, like it's a rhetorical question. It's not. They don't know.]

[most_feared]

I wouldn't know. I don't technically own anything. The moment I die or become a nuetral everything in my possession is going to be confiscated.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They both look horrified. Scrad whispers:]

But how...how do you live like that?

[Charlie wants to know:]

What's even the point?

[most_feared]

[He shrugs.] I'm kinda happy not feeling the need to scramble to get everything I can just in case someone else might get it first.

[Unless it's a gun. But usually then someone might use it to shoot at him.]

[timesbureaucrat]

Yes, lifting small objects and carrying them is ever so burdensome. [All the sardonic tone here.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Who said anything about small?

[Charlie says with a smirk.]

[timesbureaucrat]

Small time crook with small time ambitions? I guessed that anything you might have taken was petty and didn't require much effort to transport. Things you could carry in your arms or the back of a vehicle.

[Not the sort of supervillain who would create an intricate plot to run off with 20 nuclear warheads or a top secret experimental military submarine or anything like that.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Watch what you call petty!

[Scrad hisses. They had more than one large flat screen TV in that stash. But even they wouldn't call themselves supervillains. They're aware of where in the villainous hierarchy they fall, and they have no ambition to be any higher up. They have no ambition to be any anything, really.

But an experimental military submarine does sound like a good investment, and had they come across one they most certainly would have sold its location to the highest bidder.]

[timesbureaucrat]

I'm watching it right now.

[Thanks to the vid feature on the communicator.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Are you talking about us, or this thing?

[Scrad asks, shaking the comm slightly.]

[timesbureaucrat]

I'm talking about you two nitwits, of course. [He snaps irritably. Having to explain it takes all the satisfaction out of snarking.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Alright then.

[Scrad says. Because you can insult them all you like, but step off TV's nuts.]

[flashy_magic]

Yeah, for future reference, it works better if you get stuff through your warden. It sticks around better that way.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Charlie says:]

How's that supposed to be fun, just being handed stuff without...having to...do...

[Realization. Scrad says:]

We'll make a list.

[They're getting ponies.]

[flashy_magic]

Who says I won't make you do anything?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[They point a finger at him accusingly.]

You're a tease.

[Charlie says.]

[flashy_magic]

Write the list anyway, and we can discuss it.

Text

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[The following list arrives shortly.]

-1 large high quality bean bag chair.
-2 83 inch HD flat-screen TV sets.
-Full set Disney's 'The Country Bears' McDonald's Happy Meal Toys, mint.
-The Clapper.
-2 life-time supplies "zesty lime" flavored Pringles.
-1 banana.
-1 2 person transport vessel, capable of light speed travel with full tank of fuel.
-1 DVD copy M.K. & Ashley Olsen's 'Two of a Kind'.
-'Friends: The Complete Series Collection'.
-1 medium sized male lion skin rug. Must be full roar.
-A hot dog machine?
-2 1 miniature pony, color: brown.

Private - Text

[flashy_magic]

I'll...probably be able to get most of this. You know, once you earn it. The transport vessel will be your graduation present, once you get that far.

I own a lion, you know. Not on the Barge, though. But he's never going to be a rug.

Anyway, since I'm on a wardenly streak, I think we should discuss the ups and downs of the port. Like...you met people who accepted you, even though they were human. That's good. You stole a bunch of stuff. That's bad. You know, that kind of thing? I mean, if nothing else, it shows that humans aren't all that bad.

Re: Private

[twoheadsofcabbage]

A live lion seems bitey.

[Charlie says. Scrad rolls his eyes.]

Okay. You discussed it. And?