twoheadsofcabbage | The One From Russia With Love [Video]

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The One From Russia With Love [Video]

[Interior: the boys' cabin. As green and cluttered as usual. The boys are dressed like a hipster's closet vomited on them, and appear to either be working on a beard, or are too lazy to shave. The theme to 'Friends' plays. It is not in English. Charlie turns to the screen and says (in Russian):]

English sucks, by the way.

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What? Is that your native language or something?

[Two time the look. Charlie asks:]

Are you even serious?

[Drake, you were supposed to be cool.]

What? I only speak English.

That was Russian.

[Scrad says. Charlie adds:]

From your planet.

What? I've never been to Russia. Or...any non-English speaking place prior to coming here.

[Scrad shrugs:]

Neither have we.

Yeah, well, your TV watching is more...wait. You're pretty good at picking up languages. You know what the average income of a translator is?

What's your point?

[Charlie asks.]

Uh...it's something that you guys would get paid a lot to do, and pretty much any employer you walk into who hears who easily you switch languages will probably hire you? And it's probably even less effort than a heist, because you just have to repeat what people say in other languages.

That sounds like it would cut into our TV watching time.

[Scrad says.]

And following Serleena's orders didn't? Besides, you have to do something to pay the cable bill, and this would probably take less time than a heist. Especially if you found an online job doing it, so you could work while watching TV.

Not for the first four years.

[Charlie points out. Scrad says:]

You think we could work...while watching TV?

I can't guarantee it, but that is what work from home is for, right? I mean, it's a distinct possibility.

But we'd still have to do...stuff.

[Scrad says, not as dismissively as before.]

How were you paying the cable bill before if you didn't do stuff?

We played a lot of online poker.

[Scrad informs him.]

You can make money doing that?

Sure.

[Charlie says. At least: in 2002 you could. Scrad explains:]

We did some other stuff too.

[Less legal stuff.]

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[God. He hates you. Why is he helping? Fuck it. He has to help. He'll blame his damn baby cockatoo child here for pulling his heartstrings.]

How do you think other countries get programs that are translated to their languages?

People translate them.

[Why you gotta hate, Kay? They don't hate you. They just fear you. And not even as much as they used to.]

I thought they just had computers do it.

[Charlie says.]

If you'd seen Babelfish you'd know why that didn't work.

[Scrad sinks back into his sulk.]

That flood was stupid. It was a stupid flood.

Because you realized you liked something you never knew you liked?

No. We knew we liked Earth.

[Scrad mutters. Charlie adds:]

We have one of those t-shirts.

[They <3 NY.]

[It's because he told you about the phallicness of your neck, isn't it?]

I doubt you're alone in thinking that.

[He doesn't seem to mind what happened to him, though. It actually did him some good.]