The One From Russia With Love [Video]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Interior: the boys' cabin. As green and cluttered as usual. The boys are dressed like a hipster's closet vomited on them, and appear to either be working on a beard, or are too lazy to shave. The theme to 'Friends' plays. It is not in English. Charlie turns to the screen and says (in Russian):]

English sucks, by the way.

Comments

[flashy_magic]

Yeah, well, your TV watching is more...wait. You're pretty good at picking up languages. You know what the average income of a translator is?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

What's your point?

[Charlie asks.]

[flashy_magic]

Uh...it's something that you guys would get paid a lot to do, and pretty much any employer you walk into who hears who easily you switch languages will probably hire you? And it's probably even less effort than a heist, because you just have to repeat what people say in other languages.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

That sounds like it would cut into our TV watching time.

[Scrad says.]

[flashy_magic]

And following Serleena's orders didn't? Besides, you have to do something to pay the cable bill, and this would probably take less time than a heist. Especially if you found an online job doing it, so you could work while watching TV.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Not for the first four years.

[Charlie points out. Scrad says:]

You think we could work...while watching TV?

[flashy_magic]

I can't guarantee it, but that is what work from home is for, right? I mean, it's a distinct possibility.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

But we'd still have to do...stuff.

[Scrad says, not as dismissively as before.]

[flashy_magic]

How were you paying the cable bill before if you didn't do stuff?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

We played a lot of online poker.

[Scrad informs him.]

[flashy_magic]

You can make money doing that?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Sure.

[Charlie says. At least: in 2002 you could. Scrad explains:]

We did some other stuff too.

[Less legal stuff.]

[flashy_magic]

Like what?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

You know.

[Charlie says.]

[flashy_magic]

Heists and stuff? And the stuff with Sarleena, but I know you weren't watching TV while doing that. Translating results in fewer injuries.

[most_feared]

[God. He hates you. Why is he helping? Fuck it. He has to help. He'll blame his damn baby cockatoo child here for pulling his heartstrings.]

How do you think other countries get programs that are translated to their languages?

People translate them.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Why you gotta hate, Kay? They don't hate you. They just fear you. And not even as much as they used to.]

I thought they just had computers do it.

[Charlie says.]

[most_feared]

If you'd seen Babelfish you'd know why that didn't work.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad sinks back into his sulk.]

That flood was stupid. It was a stupid flood.

[most_feared]

Because you realized you liked something you never knew you liked?

[twoheadsofcabbage]

No. We knew we liked Earth.

[Scrad mutters. Charlie adds:]

We have one of those t-shirts.

[They <3 NY.]

[most_feared]

[It's because he told you about the phallicness of your neck, isn't it?]

I doubt you're alone in thinking that.

[He doesn't seem to mind what happened to him, though. It actually did him some good.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Not even that (although Charlie is wrapped completely and securely in one of his many mysterious extra sleeves, even though Scrad currently has both of his sleeves as well).]

Nobody needed to see that.

[Scrad grumbles. Charlie agrees:]

Not even us.

[most_feared]

You didn't seem all that happy there. [Understatement is go.]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad snorts. Charlie says:]

You think? The place sucks Remoolian balls.