The One With The Ex-Parrot: Video

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad sits on the zebra-print futon in his puke avocado green room. He has a small television set on his lap, which his arms are wrapped around protectively. He looks shell-shocked. Charlie, who is hovering behind him, looks livid.]

Y'know, normally we're all for pirate simulations? But turning half a guy into a parrot is not cool.

[Scrad agrees:]

Hnnngh.

[...because he's obsessively stroking his own tongue. Charlie twists around until he's facing his bodymate.]

Snap outta it!

Comments

[maybebatman]

[ Give him a moment, please. ]

That's... uh. That's Charlie.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Charlie twists back around in a way that would break any Earth-ly neck.]

Who wants to know?

[Scrad pauses in mid-tongue inspection and raises a curious eyebrow as well.]

[maybebatman]

[ Boyd is doing his best not to wince at this acrobatic neck display. It probably wouldn't be very polite. ]

Your ex-captain. I can't look that different without the hat.

[ C'mon, he's still a one-headed dude and everything, man. ]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[On the contrary: people wince at Scrad/Charlie pretty frequently. They're used to it. The ball drops for Scrad first.]

Ohhhhhh. Right. Yeah, he's him.

[Charlie echoes:]

We're us. Not a bird.

[maybebatman]

[ Hey, just because other people are racist against two-headed weirdos doesn't mean Boyd has to be. ]

I can see that.

You know, my pirate self rather admired the sacred man-and-parrot bond you two shared; I just never imagined it'd take quite so literal a form.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Charlie mouths:]

Sacred?

[Scrad clarifies:]

Most Earthlings don't.

[Charlie adds:]

Although we have met some human chicks who were into it.

[maybebatman]

Into the...

[ Actually, no. Some things fall firmly under Don't Ask, Don't Tell. ]

Never mind, I get the picture.

You boys doing alright? Aside from the psychological damage associated with turning into a parrot and his companion, that is.

[ Boyd isn't quite out of the captainly mindset yet. ]

[Video]

[huge_egomd]

[Yep, this is all you're seeing: the image of House's shocked expression. And possibly trying to hide his cane.]

[Video]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Both heads cock to the side. The same side, which means they avoid further head trauma. For now. Charlie eventually asks:]

Can we help you?

[Video]

[huge_egomd]

Not unless you've got some brain bleach handy.

[Video]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad asks:]

For what?

[Because they might know a guy.]

[Video]

[huge_egomd]

[Sounds like a good guy to know. Especially around here.]

Either I'm wronger than I've ever been [He's sure he isn't.] or we shared a drink. In the case of you and the parrot, literally.

Re: [Video]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Charlie slithers past Scrad's shoulder so he can address the communicator more intimately.]

I dunno if you noticed, but we share everything, so.

[flashy_magic]

I was turned into a parrot once. I actually had a bit of fun with that.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad eyes him.]

Did they chop you in half first too?

[Because that part does put a damper on the fun.]

[flashy_magic]

No, that part actually does sound unpleasant. And possibly painful.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Definitely painful. But it's a mental pain. Charlie gives a curt nod.]

Exactly. And no kind of pain is our idea of a good time.

[flashy_magic]

I'll have to agree with you on that.

[twoheadsofcabbage]

Glad to hear it. So who are you?

[Charlie decides this calls for an added:]

You come here often?

[Scrad ignores his other half's attempt at humor.]

[Private]

[most_feared]

Are you alright?

[Weird question. Just go with it.]

[Private]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[It is a weird question, Chuck Norris K. And they don't know what your game is... But you did ask, and they aren't above complaining to anybody.]

Do we look alright?

[Scrad is still clutching a television set like a security blanket.]

[Private]

[most_feared]

Don't worry. We always come back from that shit.

[There's only been one breach that he couldn't take, and that's the one that put him in a post office in suburbia again.]

[Private]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad places his TV on the ground.]

Oh. Okay. How about you say that to our faces after you get separated from half of your mental functions and most used body parts?

[Private]

[most_feared]

How much was he like you?

[Private]

[twoheadsofcabbage]

[Scrad's brow creases.]

What?

[Charlie's eyes narrow.]

Why?